Monday, September 20, 2004
Comparisons
Hmm....comparing my two most-recent experiences of being laid off....
This time the numb, totally-zombie-like feeling seems to have worn off much sooner.
I remember last time being a zombie for several days. Wandering around Union Square in SF (where I was on vacation when I found out I was going to be laid off) feeling like I had just entered some alternate universe. Walking into the shops, b/c that's what's at Union Square, and i didn't have energy to seek out other locales and sites, and feeling a sense of mourning b/c I knew I was going to be broke for a long time and wouldn't be able to buy anything, much less clothes, for the foreseeable future. Walking around Berkeley like a zombie. So much so that I tripped down a staircase and sprained my ankle, which subsequently led to my falling in an airport and dislocating my shoulder....so I came home from that trip laid off and laid up!
This time I felt zombie-like for maybe 36 hrs. I may have a return to zombie-ness later--especially as the work week goes on and I have nothing to take me out and about, but at least the initial zombie stage had worn off by Friday.
Maybe a big part of the difference is that in 2002 I didn't see it coming at all, whereas in 2004 I saw the writing on the wall. This time around I was hating my job and looking for a way out even before the axe fell.
Plus I don't feel the financial shock as much....b/c I've never regained my former standard of living. There has not been a moment since I moved out here where I have felt like I had any extra money to do anything frivolous with. I'm always weighing, "Do I really NEED this?!" whenever I buy anything. A decision the other day to buy a jar of jalapeno jelly for $3 felt like a huge indulgence. I've never been able to re-enter those metaphorical shops on Union Square. And yes, the same shops are here...they're at the Plaza at Del Mar, less than a mile from my apt....
Last time my layoff was the result of unintentional screw-ups by well-meaning but clueless volunteers running a church's building and stewadship campaigns w/ insufficiently firm guidance by the even more clueless rector, with a little help from the tanking economy.
This time it was the result of inept management and pure greed by a bunch of lawyers. All card-carrying Democrats, by the way, with Kerry stickers on their cars. That's disappointing. Support the party which cares about real people. But when it comes to a choice between keeping on a dedicated employee who makes $32,200 or keeping your own $500,000-700,000 annual salaries intact, they choose their salaries. Maybe they're really Republicans and just don't know it.
Another difference in the contexts. ....in 2002 I found out while on vacation, a vacation which to that moment had been wonderful and much-awaited. In 2004 I found out when exhausted, having not had a true vacation since that infamous one in 2002*. Right now some time off is feeling really good. In 2002 I was given (kindly!) tons of notice and thus had the often-awkward experience of having to work with and for the folks who had laid me off for months before the paychecks stopped. Talk about being a lame duck!!! In 2004 it was the classic "here are your walking papers, please turn in your keys, clean out your desk and leave the building" scenario. Much cleaner in a way. Though the money will run out much sooner this time. :-(
* My drive out here in 2003 was a sort of vacation, but since I was traveling alone, w/ tons of valuable stuff in my car, across 2000 miles, without cruise control, making my route up as I went, and racking up a credit card balance that still isn't paid off, it was not nearly as stress-free as a full-fledged vacation would have been. Though it was very inspiring and fulfilling in many ways. Looking at my photos from that drive makes it clear how long a year it's been since then--those photos feel like they were taken several years ago, not just 15 months ago!
Way past my bedtime now.....
This time the numb, totally-zombie-like feeling seems to have worn off much sooner.
I remember last time being a zombie for several days. Wandering around Union Square in SF (where I was on vacation when I found out I was going to be laid off) feeling like I had just entered some alternate universe. Walking into the shops, b/c that's what's at Union Square, and i didn't have energy to seek out other locales and sites, and feeling a sense of mourning b/c I knew I was going to be broke for a long time and wouldn't be able to buy anything, much less clothes, for the foreseeable future. Walking around Berkeley like a zombie. So much so that I tripped down a staircase and sprained my ankle, which subsequently led to my falling in an airport and dislocating my shoulder....so I came home from that trip laid off and laid up!
This time I felt zombie-like for maybe 36 hrs. I may have a return to zombie-ness later--especially as the work week goes on and I have nothing to take me out and about, but at least the initial zombie stage had worn off by Friday.
Maybe a big part of the difference is that in 2002 I didn't see it coming at all, whereas in 2004 I saw the writing on the wall. This time around I was hating my job and looking for a way out even before the axe fell.
Plus I don't feel the financial shock as much....b/c I've never regained my former standard of living. There has not been a moment since I moved out here where I have felt like I had any extra money to do anything frivolous with. I'm always weighing, "Do I really NEED this?!" whenever I buy anything. A decision the other day to buy a jar of jalapeno jelly for $3 felt like a huge indulgence. I've never been able to re-enter those metaphorical shops on Union Square. And yes, the same shops are here...they're at the Plaza at Del Mar, less than a mile from my apt....
Last time my layoff was the result of unintentional screw-ups by well-meaning but clueless volunteers running a church's building and stewadship campaigns w/ insufficiently firm guidance by the even more clueless rector, with a little help from the tanking economy.
This time it was the result of inept management and pure greed by a bunch of lawyers. All card-carrying Democrats, by the way, with Kerry stickers on their cars. That's disappointing. Support the party which cares about real people. But when it comes to a choice between keeping on a dedicated employee who makes $32,200 or keeping your own $500,000-700,000 annual salaries intact, they choose their salaries. Maybe they're really Republicans and just don't know it.
Another difference in the contexts. ....in 2002 I found out while on vacation, a vacation which to that moment had been wonderful and much-awaited. In 2004 I found out when exhausted, having not had a true vacation since that infamous one in 2002*. Right now some time off is feeling really good. In 2002 I was given (kindly!) tons of notice and thus had the often-awkward experience of having to work with and for the folks who had laid me off for months before the paychecks stopped. Talk about being a lame duck!!! In 2004 it was the classic "here are your walking papers, please turn in your keys, clean out your desk and leave the building" scenario. Much cleaner in a way. Though the money will run out much sooner this time. :-(
* My drive out here in 2003 was a sort of vacation, but since I was traveling alone, w/ tons of valuable stuff in my car, across 2000 miles, without cruise control, making my route up as I went, and racking up a credit card balance that still isn't paid off, it was not nearly as stress-free as a full-fledged vacation would have been. Though it was very inspiring and fulfilling in many ways. Looking at my photos from that drive makes it clear how long a year it's been since then--those photos feel like they were taken several years ago, not just 15 months ago!
Way past my bedtime now.....
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